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7 Ways We Self-Sabotage and How To Stop with Dr Ramani Durvasula

by Dr. Rangan Chatterjee   /  February 1, 2023

This week’s episode is all about a subject familiar to many of us: self-sabotage. Whether it’s the inability to stick to our health goals, leave a toxic relationship, or get that promotion, we often seem to be our own worst enemies. Self-sabotage is a spectrum of feelings, beliefs, and behaviours, but they all set us up to fail. 

Dr Ramani Durvasula is a clinical psychologist and Professor of Psychology at California State University, and a world-renowned expert on narcissistic personality disorder. She’s written two books on the subject, Should I Stay or Should I Go and Don’t You Know Who I Am. She hosts the podcast Navigating Narcissism, and posts regularly on her YouTube channel, which has over 1 million subscribers.

In this conversation, we talk about relationships not with others, but with ourselves. Dr Ramani talks us through the common ways in which many of us self-sabotage, including procrastination, social comparison, taking on too much and not living in alignment with our values. She explains their links to anxiety and perfectionism and shares the practical solutions that she uses with clients to overcome them. If you’ve ever considered having therapy, Dr Ramani provides some useful insights about how it can work.

We discuss a wide range of topics, including why so many of us stick around in toxic, unsupportive relationships, the importance of cultivating friendships and communities outside the home and not expecting our romantic partner to be all things to us. And you’ll hear Dr Ramani explain a new way of thinking about our inner critic.

Dr Ramani has decades of real world experience helping her clients, she is a brilliant communicator and this is a conversation full of fresh insights and practical insights that you are going to be able to implement immediately.

Disclaimer: The content in the podcast and on this webpage is not intended to constitute or be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.*

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Watch the video version of this interview – click below.

Connect with Dr Ramani:

Website     YouTube    

Instagram     Facebook     Twitter  

Dr Ramani’s Podcast:

Navigating Narcissism

Dr Ramani’s educational programme:

Taking Yourself Back: Healing from Narcissistic & Antagonistic Relationships

Dr Ramani’s books:

“Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist

Related Feel Better Live More episodes:

#169 Dr Gabor Maté on Why We Are All Addicts

#294 Dr Gabor Maté on Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture

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Dr Chatterjee’s books and resources:


*DISCLAIMER: Always seek the advice of your doctor or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have heard on the podcast or on my website.

†Disclosure: All books marked with a † are hyperlinked to an affiliate program. We take part in Amazon’s affiliate advertising program designed to provide a way for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon’s website. You are not charged any extra by using these links to purchase books.

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee MbChB, BSc (Hons), MRCP, MRCGP